Sit back, relax, and enjoy some of the wildest and wackiest  health insurance questions you’ll ever hear. Don’t try to answer them, because you’ll probably laugh too hard to think of an appropriate response. We have posted some of our all-time favorites. All questions were received by email or voicemail within the last 36 months.

I need health insurance right away  for my ex-wife since the court is forcing me to buy it. Can you give me a quote on the highest deductible that I can get? I don’t care what’s covered or what type of company it is. Just give me the worst and cheapest plan you have. If she has to travel an hour for an office visit, all the better. If there are no in-network hospitals she can go to, that’s fine too. I also don’t care about the ratings of the company. An if they are late in paying claims, that’s a big positive.

This is a hypothetical question and is not real. Suppose I injure my knee a few weeks ago and it has not gotten better. It swelled up pretty bad and it still hurts to walk on. I can’t put a lot of  pressure on it and walking for any length of time seems to make it worse. I am not covered but think I might need an MRI. Can I buy a policy so that I can have my knee looked at and have surgery covered too?  This did not really happen yet although it might. I am just wondering.

Family of four persons. I am covered on my work plan and my wife and kids are covered on a policy with Aetna. I would like to see the same doctor my wife has, but their practice is not in my work company’s network. Can I use that doctor anyhow and say it was my wife and have their plan pay for it? Our names are different but everybody says we look about the same because we have been married so long. Our middle names also start with the same letter. Thank you in advance.

Hello there. Hopefully you can help. We have not had insurance in a long time. We are healthy and never see a doctor. I am interested in taking out a policy but  do not want you to cash my check until we need to go to the hospital. Can that be arranged? The check is legitimate and if all goes well, you won’t need to cash it for many years. We always keep money in the account until the holiday season.

Goofy Medical Insurance Tales

This Car Might Take More Than Six Hours To Repair!

I am waiting to get my car fixed. It looks totaled so it will take about six hours. Can you email me prices so I can apply now. I will print out cards here at dealership. I really don’t have any interest in getting a policy but I know I have to. This will at least help pass some of the time. I also prefer not to pay in advance because this repair is going to cost me an arm and a leg.

Re my policy number xxxx-xxxxxx, I have a question about the chiropractor benefits. I believe I have about 20 (perhaps more) visits per year I can use. Since I have no back problems that I know about, I am requesting to use these visits for back massages instead. Perhaps one per week.

My girlfriend, who will soon be my fiance, wants to be a masseuse  and is supposed to practice on people she knows. I would like to know if she can practice on me and then I can claim them on my insurance, since you are supposed to pay for back problems anyhow. She says she is licensed, but I doubt that is true. If that is required, we will pay for the license.

I am requesting a reinstatement of our policy. The bill was due November 1st and we have always paid it on time. This time, we did not pay it because I think our dog ate it. Although this sounds like a lame excuse, it is probably true. When we came home from shopping last month, the garbage can was knocked over and the cake on the counter was eaten. The bill was on the counter near the cake and that’s why we think he ate it. We checked the next few days and did not see it come out the other end of the dog.

Can you tell me if a tubal litigation is covered on our plan? I have looked at the benefits and exclusions sections and do not find it anywhere. If it is not covered, we will take the vasectomy instead. Also, if we decide later that we did not want the operation, can we get everything reversed and get a refund of our money? It’s possible we may want children, but we are not sure. We can let you know.

Quick question about an HSA policy we have with Aetna. Although it’s understood that medical and dental bills can be used by the funds in the policy, can an exception be made for a car repair? Our deductible is $500 before the auto insurance company pays off the damages. Although nobody was hurt in the accident, it was possible that there could have been an injury. My back hurts, especially when I am at work. It feels OK at home and when I bowl. But I anticipate problems in the future.

Confused why my recent claim for knee replacement was not fully paid. At issue is the golf club dues that are paid monthly, which I now can not use for at least two months. Let me explain. I did the operation to get rid of pain but mainly so I could play golf more often and for 18 holes instead of 9 each time.

Although golf club dues are not technically a medical expense, it is directly related to my knee replacement surgery. So I’m hoping you’ll consider reimbursing me for past, present, and future dues. I also have meal expenses that would be nice to have paid since I couldn’t make it to the restaurant, which is located in the club. I am forced to buy meals there to meet the minimum monthly requirement.

Odd Stories Involving Healthcare

It’s Impossible To Miss This Tattoo. Go Big Blue!

I would like to purchase a cheap policy from a name company. But first I want to know if you will cover a claim to remove a tattoo. I lost a bet in college over a football game and I have a fairly large tattoo of a University of Michigan helmet on my back. The blue and yellow colors have faded to black and blue and it looks like I have a big disease there.

Can I claim this and if so, how much will be covered?  And can you recommend a specialist that has done this type of thing before. I guess I might need plastic surgery?

We will be traveling to France again in the Spring and at least one of us will get very sick like we always do. Can you find us a policy that will pay for a doctor’s visit, ER expenses and prescriptions. I guarantee you that we’ll be using it. And perhaps quite a bit.

Can you email a quote for a long-term temporary medical plan? I have noticed from research that temporary policies cost much much less than the Obamacare plans since we make too much money for the subsidy. But you can only keep these short-term policies 6-12 months. I need that changed immediately.

Therefore, I would like to buy a long-term short-term policy. I know there has to be one available. Just tell the company that they can skip the part about having to end the plan. I’ll be a good customer, and I don’t anticipate filing too many large claims.

Please email me information on a plastic plan (if they are available). I don’t want a Platinum, Gold, Silver or Bronze policy. Not even a nickel-plated one. Just cheap old plastic. Keep it as cheap as possible. I don’t need maternity, office visits or drug coverage. That’s why I just want a simple plastic policy.

As you can see (enclosed bill), we live in New Jersey and pay very high rates for our health insurance. After shopping prices, we found a plan from Independence Blue Cross that will save us more than $600 per month and give us better coverage (lower deductible).  Therefore, I want to apply for a new policy and my address can be in Philadelphia.

We have season tickets to all Eagles and Phillies games so we practically live there anyhow. If needed, I can perhaps rent a PO Box and use that as my address. Or possibly purchase a rental in Philly.

I guess I’m ready to buy a policy now. Please email me the link to the Aetna plan. I’ll keep it for a few months but not much longer. In April, I’ll need to either pay my taxes or get a big-screen TV. Not sure which one. But if I do both, I’m not keeping this insurance policy so don’t get your hopes up. lol. I know this is a crazy request.